I've been following various anti-feminist groups for a few months, and am now, in a very unscientific sense, able to summarise my impressions.
My brushes with feminism have always been quite problematic, and it's fair to say that all is not well with feminism. It is perfectly reasonable to criticise feminism, because bad feminism, of which there is a lot, will at best achieve nothing and at worst actually end up harming women and men.
My main criticisms of feminism are that it's incredibly pejorative, and it only focusses on the problems of one gender. In fact, any feminist who focuses on, or even raises the issue of men, is rather insultingly called a "menimist", and is accused of bleating "what about the men?" Ironic, since the entire point of feminism is "what about the women?"
Like feminism, anti-feminism actually comes in many different flavours, and it's important to realise that not all feminists are crazy, and not all anti-feminists are misogynists. There are many valid points on both sides. There is also quite a lot of common ground, for example both feminists and anti-feminists agree on gender equality and equal opportunity, and that a fair deal needs to be reached between men and women. The main sticking point is what constitutes "fairness". Like all relationships between men and women, it's far too easy to become absorbed in your own problems and become resentful.
The feminist narrative can be expressed as follows: On many metrics, women are disadvantaged relative to men, particular in areas of academic, government and corporate leadership, in income, in child rearing responsibility, and they suffer more violence at the hands of men than the other way around. Because society benefits men, and men have more power, the blame for this, as well as the responsibility for fixing it, lies with men. Furthermore, men must be accidentally and maliciously holding women back, i.e. misogyny and patriarchy.
The anti-feminist narrative is as follows: Although men and women sometimes take different roles, society often favours women. Men and women already have equal opportunuties in almost everything. The differences between men and women can be largely explained through personal choices, for example choosing that useless arts degree vs an engineering degree, choosing to stay at home to raise children, female preference for work/life balance or just lack of ambition. Men are more career focussed and generally work far longer hours than women doing the shitty necessary jobs that women won't touch. There is little/no per hour gender pay gap. Women are as inherently dangerous and violent as men. Women are advantaged relative to men in many areas, (such as household spending, homelessness, suicide, education, judicial system, family courts, workplace accidents, victims of war, violence, lifetime) but feminists are repeatedly ignoring the plight of men who are instead are subject to an idiotic, vicious and insulting groupthink. Because men rarely complain, gender feminists have come to unjustly dominate the gender debate.
While feminists like to use the pronoun "men", and direct their criticism at men in general (except those obedient white knights who are allowed short leashes), anti-feminists very rarely criticise women in general. Anti-feminists criticise feminists. Because many feminists believe in patriarchy, they presume that men spend an awful lot of time gossiping about and putting women down. Nothing could be further from the truth. Seriously, men think about work, hobbies, food, sport and sex. Yes, you will occasionally get ill-conceived misogynistic comments from anti-feminists, but they are thankfully few and far between, at least where I read. Remember, valid criticism isn't misogyny.
Feminists dislike anti-feminists because they see it as a defence of male privilege. Feminists have already come to the conclusion that it's men holding women down, so therefore where are these men? Anti-feminists seem to be top of the list, as the last dying gasps of misogyny and patriarchy. Since "obviously" men are to blame for the position of women, any man who disagrees with a woman (about anything really) "must" be a misogynist.
Anti-feminists on the other hand dislike feminists precisely because they are wrong about the privileged position of men in society, and the feminist punishment of men is unfair and unjustified. In her book "The War Against Boys: How Misguided Feminism is Harming our Young Men", Christina Hoff Sommers makes precisely this point.
Anti-feminists claim that feminists often resort to fraudulent research to push their own preconceived agendas. Certainly, much of social science falls victim to poor rigour and groupthink, and I've seen first hand how statistics can be presented in very misleading ways. For example, the gender pay gap can be presented either as "total money earned", or as "pay per hour for equivalent work". Which number you quote makes a huge difference. Similarly, you could say that 4% of male deaths are from domestic homicide, compared with 40% of women, which is consistent with saying that 22% of domestic homicide victims are male, because men get murdered much more often for other reasons. It is in feminists' interests to present women as victims, so-called "victim feminism". It is however not in women's interests to be labelled as victims. Who would employ someone who is weak?
Feminists claim that without their valuable input, the position of women would be a lot worse. Anti-feminists deny this, claiming that men have never held women back, pointing instead to the changing nature of work, lower infant mortality, better healthcare and technology as being the transformative factors which have enabled gender equality. Besides, they argue, gender specialisation used to make a lot of sense and has nothing to do with oppression, and in the past men weren't privileged either as much of their work was actually extremely hard, dangerous and unpleasant.
Anti-feminists see feminists as man-haters, or misandrists. Anti-feminists resent the constant tirade of insults coming from feminists, and are starting to call it out. Feminists perhaps fail to realise that constant accusations of patriarchy, privilege, misogyny, aggression, violence, rape, undeserved pay, lack of emotion, are at least as insulting as saying "a woman's place is in the home".
However anti-feminists are being a little unfair. Not all feminism is unreasonable. But radical feminism casts a long shadow over mainstream feminism, both in ideas and reputation. Feminists have without irony stated that only 10% of the human population should be male, that males cannot expression compassion, that all sex is rape, that all men are potential rapists, that men aren't *really* domestic violence victims, that with artificial insemination men are unnecessary etc. Even quite reasonable people can unthinkingly say "it's a man's world", or "men have all the power".
Speaking of power, feminists often point to our institutions as evidence that men have all the power. Naturally anti-feminists deny this. Aside from the fact that there are many women in positions of power, they argue that the lowest and least privileged in society are also predominantly male, so that help is actually misdirected at the wrong gender. Anti-feminists claim that there are few barriers to entry to our institutions of power, which is untrue. There are many other measures of power however. Economically, women control 85% of household budgets and make most of the purchasing decisions. On divorce, women often take most of the money "for the children", and young women outearn young men, and women control more wealth overall because they live longer. Women have power over the home, family life and reproduction, and choose which men breed and which men have reached the end of their line. If that's not power, I don't know what is. That power is so innate that rape survivors often describe their main feeling as “disempowerment".
Feminists regard disrespect of women as being the main reason why women are discriminated against and assaulted, and want classes for males to teach them about respect, equality and rape. Anti-feminists reject this idea, on the basis that the only people who show disrespect for the other gender is feminists themselves, and find the whole idea ludicrous. They see feminists as fundamentally misunderstanding the reasons for rape (it’s not about power), and therefore that these measures are futile and insulting.
When it comes to claims of sexual assault, feminists instinctively side with the woman, and anti-feminists instinctively side with the man. Sexist. Up to 10% accusations of sexual assault are false, and anti-feminists are right to call out this alarmingly high rate, and want greater recognition that so many false rape-claims are made. Feminists want to make it easier to convict men of rape, whereas anti-feminists disagree and point to the already high rates of injustice against men. Obviously the trauma women have to endure to convict a rapist isn't acceptable either.
Both sides accuse the other of sexism. Certainly both genders are equally capable of sexism, in the sense that women tend to surround themselves with other women and vice versa. Feminists regard sexism by men as the main cause of gender inequality, whereas anti-feminists largely deny this, and point to actions by women (for example in their own career choices) as being the main drivers of inequality. There is data to confirm this by the way. Anti-feminists call out the sexist hypocrisy of feminists, by arguing that "positive discrimination" is merely discrimination, that they are only concerned with victims of one gender, and that feminists are constantly gender stereotyping. Anti-feminists have no problem with a female president, but regard voting for someone purely on the basis of their gender as sexism.
Anti-feminists see feminism as a threat to masculinity itself. Feminists see masculinity as something extremely negative: violent, rapey, aggressive, domineering, competitive, unemotional, brash, stupid, sleazy, intimidating. If that really is masculinity, then it's no surprise that feminists want to stamp it out. Anti-feminists rarely express negative views about femininity in general, though point out that women often exploit men, and remind us that both genders share the same negative traits. Anti-feminists instead paint a more positive view of masculinity: strong, hard-working, honourable, focused, determined, patient, practical. Anti-feminists are right to feel slandered.
If feminism is anti-men, then anti-feminism is anti-anti-men. But it is not all negative. There are many constructive things to come from anti-feminism. For example the attitudes of the family courts should be more equitable, the education system should be overhauled and there should be more male teachers, we should help homeless people, we need more mental health support, police officers need to be trained that 40% of domestic abusers are female.
Anti-feminism fails to acknowledge that there are problems that particularly affect women, and particularly in developing countries. Things like access to contraception, education for both genders, personal safety, laws and societal structures that hold women back, freely available sanitary products, police units being able to deal with rape etc. These are all good initiatives.
What anti-feminism objects to is that sometimes services are directed at one gender even though they actually affect both genders. This leaves one gender awfully exposed and unable to seek help. Feminism really needs to be inclusive of both genders.
If feminism is only about women, then anti-feminism is only about men. This is petty and mean-spirited on both sides. To be even more petty, feminism "started it". Anti-feminism has no solutions for improving diversity. Feminists have no problem in all-women shortlists, whereas anti-feminists believe that women are equal to men and can and should compete on equal terms. Anti-feminists see short-lists as blatant discrimination which disadvantages men who have worked really hard to get where they are, only to have someone less skilled take their place. Anti-feminists believe that short-lists disadvantage women in the long run because they create the false perception that women are weak and need extra help, and they are not as competent.
Anti-feminists regard the media as being biased against men, whereas feminists regard media as largely male-dominated. A typical example would be a long article about rape in war, which may casually mention in half a sentence that the husband had been shot in front of her, and how this was a "trauma" for the wife. But clearly, being shot is the bigger problem than being raped, and feminists are silent on the mass graves full of men and boys. Shame on them.
Feminists continually drip-feed articles into the media about how girls and women are disadvantaged, but there isn’t the same push from anti-feminists. An example I read today is how girls are being held back at school for all sorts of reasons (today, they were talking about confidence) - whilst generally blaming boys. What these articles never mention is that girls consistently outperform boys at school, and the media are as usual directing their attention at the wrong gender.
Feminism and its anti regard gender very differently. Feminists define gender as whatever they choose it to mean, which leaves us all guessing. I recall one time that a feminist said to me "gender is a social construct", then two decades later said "women are more intelligent than men." Which is it? Incidentally, that was my first brush with feminism and alerted me that something was deeply wrong. Anti-feminists are generally sceptical about there being more than two genders.
In terms of stereotyping, gender feminists in particular are happy to talk about the differences between men and women when it casts men in a bad light (aggressive, competitive) and women in a good light (compassionate, cooperative). Anti-feminists tend to prefer traditional stereotypes, which are now regarded as rather quaint and sexist. Some anti-feminists are probably quite sexist in that they still think that women aren't good engineers etc., but I hope that others are more enlightened and regard gender as being something which is totally overblown. In that regard, they are similar to some feminists.
Both feminists and anti-feminists strongly support individuals to make free decisions about their lives. Where they differ is where that takes them. Anti-feminists are comfortable with the idea that men and women prefer different life choices which sometimes leads to different outcomes, with different incomes and some occupations being dominated by one gender or another. For example, anti-feminists claim that some women are happy to take time out for children. Feminists don't see it that way, and regard any gender discrepancy as sexism. Anti-feminists counter that feminists are only concerned in situations where men are apparently privileged, and ignore the more dangerous less glamorous professions such as garbage disposal or sewer maintenance. Anti-feminists also counter that men have been bending over backwards to get more women into their professions, but the real sexists are women who aren't interested, aren't applying or don't want to hang with geeky men. Feminists cook up the idea that certain professions are unfriendly to women, which is largely untrue and only exacerbates the problem.
Anti-feminists regard child-rearing as a personal choice that inevitably has consequences in terms of a woman's (or man's) earning power and career. They do not see this as sexism or even acknowledge a problem, pointing out that career women who don't have children have equal outcomes as men. Anti-feminists are generally against marriage and children since the legal system is so stacked against men on divorce. Feminists generally want more support for mothers during and after childcare, whereas anti-feminists don't see why society should be funding people's personal choices. Anti-feminists are supportive of fatherhood, whereas feminists only deride it. Feminists seem rather conflicted about whether mothers are better parents or whether both parents should take equal responsibility, and anti-feminists argue that men work just as hard and that earning money to support the family is an equally important parental role.
The status quo is making families unhappy. Unfortunately, anti-feminism doesn't really have any good answers when it comes to parental responsibility, but then again, neither does feminism. My own opinion on all this is that couples need to talk through who will be doing what, and if necessary just find someone else who supports the kind of family you want to be part of.
Feminism and anti-feminism both have a problem with extremism. Feminists fail to acknowledge that extreme views are insulting and crazy, undermine their credibility, and give plenty of quote-fodder for the anti-feminists. Empowering yourself on a slut-walk just makes you look ridiculous. Even half-jokes like #killallwhitemen are deeply offensive and should be avoided. Anti-feminism also draws some pretty unsavoury and misogynistic views, which again only serve to dilute what are some pretty compelling points.
If it's not clear by now, I generally support anti-feminism. I'm a strong supporter of equal opportunity, and don't put myself above anyone else on the basis of gender, but fraudulent research, bad ideas and hypocrisy should be called out, ridiculed, tarred, feathered and have rotten eggs thrown at them. For this, anti-feminism should be commended.
The real lie is that feminism supports both genders - it never has and it looks like it never will - and that the position of men is universally better than that of women. It's much more complicated than that. Anti-feminism has shown us the folly of letting one gender dominate the gender debate.
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