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A Brexit Soap Opera

Brian lives with long-term partner Eugene. But Brian is always grumbling, and one day they decide to split up.

Act 1: The breakup

Scene 1:
Brian: We need to talk.
Eugene: Uh oh, okay then.
Brian: You've changed and I'm not happy any more. I don't like living under your rules. You need to change...
Eugene: I'm not sure I can.
Brian: That's it, I'm walking out.
Scene 2:
Brian: I need to take control of my life. I'm leaving.
Eugene: Fine, just go.
Brian: I'll save so much money because I won't need to pay any household bills.
Eugene: You are an idiot.
Brian: I save so much time on paperwork.
Eugene: You are still an idiot.
Brian: I won't need to see your stupid friends any more.
Eugene: But my friends are great and really help us out.
Brian: I really mean it. I'm going.
Eugene: Well, what are you waiting for?
Act 2: The separation

Scene 1:
Brian: Before I go, I have a few demands.
Eugene: What? Just go away already.
Brian: Can I still live here?
Eugene: No, we split up.
Brian: Please, I've nowhere else to live.
Eugene: Fine, but you get a smaller room, my friends can come and go as they please, and you pay more rent.
Brian: No way.
Eugene: Fine, live somewhere else.
Brian: Fine. Bye.
Eugene: You owe me three thousand pounds.
Scene 2:
Brian: Erm, do you still have that room spare in your house?
Frances: Actually, no, I decided to use it for something.
Brian: Please?
Eugene: Ok, you can sleep on the couch. Higher rent though, and only for a few months.
Act 3: The reconciliation

Scene 1: 
Much later. Eugene bumps into Brian in town. 
Eugene: Wow Brian, you look so great these days. Is that a Porsche you're driving?
Brian: Jaguar actually. I only buy British.
Eugene: No, Indian. Listen, we really should go for a coffee some time...
Scene 2: 
Scene 1 was a dream, and Brian wakes up from his alcoholic stupor. He is looking the worse for wear after sleeping in the park for a year. 
Brian: I'm sorry I was so horrible to you. How could I have been so stupid? Erm, can we get back together?
Eugene: Eww, you stink.
Frances: No way.
Eugene: Fine, but from now on, only I decide the rules and you pay rent. You don't overrule me all the time. And we get properly married this time.
Brian: That's so great! I promise I'll never be mean to you ever again. I love EU.

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